animesh kumar

Running water never grows stale. Keep flowing!

All I want is to talk to her…

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…And the phone again went dead. All of a sudden! Exactly after 55 minutes as if they wanted to refrain the talk. I called again only to find her slightly more irritated, slightly more testy. Either on me or on the telecom service. I did not know? And I did not want to know either. May be, because of my premonitions.
She said if I had been a singer I would have sung after four solicitations only. That is why she did not force me further. I reckoned the signal and retorted at her “sing for me…please!” continuously for four times with a gasping utterance “Let’s see if you are right!” She chuckled and asked for the song I wished her to sing. Lost in the quagmire of uncertainty, where I still dwelled in the mixed emotions of grey and blue, I could suggest none. Eventually, her words fluttered against my ear-drums modulating the very essence of mine with the stability of hers. My senses ceased to grasp anything and vanished with the lyrics; but the “ambiance” had something that gave me comfort. A share of rare solace! Until, she had finished, I didn’t know what was happening. The seething smooth barrage stopped and the environs again beckoned their trapping predicament. How ephemeral contentment is? One moment you are swimming triumphantly, the next moment, you are drowned.

Are relations also short-lived? She warned me against me growing habitual to talking to her. In the end she added a caveat, flimsily, perhaps not to appear ill-mannered, that habits appear when necessary and disappear if not required. Habits are always a subject of reincarnation. Its birth, however, doesn’t matter as much as its demise. It may end with a sweet note, or with a bitter taste. To which end we were leading?

But the habit had already settled down, and I could not deny. “It is very late now.” I said anticipating the growing creaks of vexation on her face. She remained silent. Was she empty of words? Or was she getting ready for the bigger confrontation? At last, I heard her smile. I sighed back. The courage came back and unknowingly I took another risk. “My dad did the same. His caution for smoking, too, came very late.” At first, I did not expect her reacting so sarcastically. But, in reality, all she uttered afterwards were full of strictures.

I thought of it being ephemeral too; but situations ratify their life themselves and this one had a prolonged existence. “Good. Anything else to add to your qualities? Like, occasional boozer, chain smoker, late slumberer? Huh… ” And I had no words to defend. I laughed foolishly, more on myself than anything else, as if I could diffuse everything in it. But, imbecility can never fool concern. My pretending stupidity only worsened things. “How many did u finish in last one and half hour?”

It was tacit that she “hated” smokers more than smoking? But a man is known for his ego. His ego nourishes him. His ego kills him. And the persuasion, such as this, only fortifies the negative facet of ego. And then, men stand strong, indifferent to everything. “Six” I said. In a sudden gasp of mine, she went silent. No noise, nothing. I could not imagine how she might have been feeling then. I tried to pinch into the bitter quite, but she remained silent. Soon, I was left abandoned. She had gone. Our phones were longing to connect – the ashes of cigarettes had to inure them.

Why do girls hate “smoke” so much? Does not their kitchen oven emit smoke? Then, why to make such a big deal with a petty and negligible destitute?

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Written by Animesh

May 2, 2005 at 11:36 pm

Posted in Diary

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