animesh kumar

Running water never grows stale. Keep flowing!

Life or something like it.

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Sometimes, in life, you confront a moment wherein you find yourself unable to stand your battle and you flee; the moment wherein you give up everything that you could ever have owned; the moment where nothing seems to be of importance. Your values, principles, ethics, morals, the pillars of your existence wilt away and suddenly you are left alone, fogged by a stark loneliness you realize that the battle you were fighting wasn’t meant for you.

How do you cope up with it? How do you rekindle your ‘soul’?

I have always said that you are not supposed to fight every battle, some you got to leave, some forget. But how to decide which one to pick, which to leave? I never knew the answer. Perhaps, that’s why I could never finish my own battles.

Every time, I find myself amid the fierceness, I tend to doubt my own reasons and succumb to sideways, and few moments later, the battle gets over, and then I repent that only, if only for a moment more, had I endured I could have won.

I, then, resign and wink at my life, nonchalantly, indifferently, and lay sideways, meanwhile people stroll ahead past me. I don’t curse them, I don’t blame them, I just lay there, on the sideways, indifferently, apathetically.

I have been so cruel to myself, all these years, how can I now ask for anything from my life…ask it to not to be cruel to me…how can I…ask it to bestow me with possibilities, with chances, with battles, with life, with love…oh…how can I?

Let my life go the way I have shaped it. Let it treat me the way I have treated it. Indifferently. Irresponsibly.

I would not ask for love, I would not ask for life.

I had left my life dreaded, lone, in the darkest of hours, now it has abandoned me of the lightest of pleasures of the moments.

Do I have any right to complain?

No. I guess, no.

Not sure! As always.

Written by Animesh

April 5, 2006 at 1:51 am

Posted in Diary

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