animesh kumar

Running water never grows stale. Keep flowing!

Proof of Life

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Van Morrison sang a beautiful song in the end of the movie ‘Proof of Life’ that I was watching yesterday. The lyrics were superb, almost like rapture, swaying me with the flow of it was its melodious music, and the guitar was oomph. Sweet tone, rising here and there, was like a perfect ending that movie could have.

I felt good for the end was like a crisscross – life hung both ways with many questions, many possible roads, untended, waiting for the first man to trail those zigzag mazes – leaving our female protagonist at the usual confusion I face everytime. Which way to go? Or even to go or just to stop?

That was real. Real people facing real situations, almost each one of them ending to a predicament, filled with different degrees of torture, luring with different levels of comfort – something that each of us seek but never can define, nor can realize. Just like that. Now you want this, then you want that.

None of us have any purpose to live for, nothing to die for, dragging the same old stale life through our lifetimes. What for? I had asked this a hell lot of time, only to end up to the same rut I had tried to rise above. Though few momentary flashes do come, but life is not just a few moments, there are a lot many of them, a lot many without any flashes, without any reasons, how do you haul through them?

I read many great people – great for their sense of purpose, real may be, fake may be, at least a pretentious purpose, something to die for, something to hope for, something to hold on to, they always seemed to have something, at least they pretended so – and when I asked a very basic question to them, they all shied away, crackled, and hid behind their larger-than-life image: ‘What is the end of all this?’

Peace? It’s foolish. Every peaceful state has wars at either sides of it. Success? It’s too ephemeral to keep you focused. Love? No one knows what is it? And why our hero, Russell Crowe, wanted to save a man who was husband of the woman who he would eventually fall for. What after that? What after she went to her husband? What was the end? Or was he just pretending?

Some live for a moment, some for a purpose. Which way to go? Or even to go or just to stop? I can’t say. I am too much in air to look on the ground below. That song is still in my head.

Here are my words to my life, my love.

O love!
Give me a chance,
I will follow you.
I will be your lover too.
Yes I will. Yes I will.

O Honey!
Don’t cry. Don’t cry.
Don’t stop now, and try.
I will be your lover too.
Yes I will. Yes I will.

O Life!
You are an enigma, I am mundane.
Take me along, or have me slain.
I will love your boon, bane.
Yes I will. Yes I will.

-Animesh

I just read what I wrote above, and felt almost what those great men must have felt before a prostrating crowd, gulping their words and venerating their purpose. And now I know what great pretensions were those.

There is nothing in here than what you can think, or make others think of it. It’s all in the perception, in the brain. So there is nothing real, nothing solid to stick to for whole of your life. So people change; snapping up to different things in order to grab something solid, and so they change; change is life.

The way Meg Ryan felt for the other man, who rescued her husband, was not out of need, neither out of adventure or curiosity, it was just for a change. However, the old life soon beckoned back at her, and she moved back to her rut, her values – her traditions.

Poor girl! For her I am copying the original lyrics of that song.

I’ll be your man
I’ll understand
And do my best
to take good care of you
Yes I will
You’ll be my queen
I’ll be your king
And I’ll be your lover too
Yes I will

Derry down green
Color of my dream
A dream that’s daily coming true
I’ll tell you

When day is through
I will come to you
And tell you of your many charms

And you’ll look at me
with eyes that see
And melt into each other’s arms

And so I come to be the one
who’s always standing next to you

Reach out for me
So I can be the one
who’s always reaching out for you
Yes I will, yes I will

You’ll be my queen
I’ll be you king
And I’ll be your lover too

– Van Morrison

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Written by Animesh

June 8, 2006 at 2:11 am

Posted in Diary

Tagged with ,

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