animesh kumar

Running water never grows stale. Keep flowing!

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Before an empty paper

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gasgaugeempty
Before an empty paper i sit and mull,
the world sits empty
their pussy their hands
laughing with bare teeth
masturbating beneath a sheath.
Everyone’s growling-n-howling
ladies are out shopping
gents rubbing pink panties…

who i write to, who i write for
who has come, who would ever come
inside the womb i’m gonna hide
fuck you’all… now no more slide.

Written by Animesh

October 12, 2008 at 11:32 pm

Posted in Featured, Poetry

Tagged with ,

i am blood

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ist2_1316538-blood-splatter-backgroundA trickle of blood
drained, castrated,
of life.
Flows towards me
to suck me in.

To eat into
another life.

Blood inside me,
outside me,
around me.

I flail.

Then

I drown.

Then

I am red.

Bloody red.
I am blood.

Written by Animesh

August 19, 2006 at 8:18 am

Posted in Featured, Poetry

Tagged with

Strange me: AWEsome/ful

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Inspired by DP

1. My name, etymologically, comes from the Sanskrit word ‘NIRNIMESH‘ which refers to a mesmerized state when you are baffled – and retain your stare – at something without blinking your eyes. (So am I a state?)

2. I am a ‘typical’ Piscean.

3. I have read The Alchemist for more than ten times. (Revision: I don’t think Alchemist did any good to me.)

4. I believe I am the greatest escapist roaming earth. (I run away form everything.)

5. I enrolled to ‘violin’ classes twice. (Now searching for the third guru; they all dropped me off)

6. I prefer black to white. Perhaps because, the former absorbs all and the latter reflects everything back.

7. I am a compulsive lover. (I say ‘I love you’ to myself every-night before retiring to bed.)

8. I am hopelessly optimistic.

9. I believe that love can tame the wildest. (I am not wild at all.)

10. I smoke only ‘Wills Navy Cut’.

11. I first started using computers when I went to the engineering college.

12. I think I am good at words.

13. I am pretty optimistic that someday I will write a best-seller.

14. I first fell in love when I was in class nine. And I was suspended for a week for writing a letter to her. (After then, I kept failing.)

15. I bought my first Denim in class 11.

16. I love driving fast on my YAMAHA RX-135.

17. I enjoy sleeping till noon.

18. Comic-books were my favorites. (I was caught by my father while reading Super Commando Dhruva hidden among the Feynman’s Lectures in class 12.)

19. I hate shaving. (That’s why I have a goatee. It saves time.)

20. I do care!

21. I don’t wear a wrist-watch.

22. I believe that life is beautiful. (Though girls are more!)

23. I don’t believe in God. I believe in myself.

24. I am fluent in five languages – Hindi, English, Bahojpuri, and Maithali. (Fifth one is of eyes.)

25. I hate traveling.

26. Mom’s love is special.

27. I have a lot of friends. (They keep me from myself.)

28. I value honesty.

29. I often lie.

30. I hate formal clothing. (That’s why I hate Mondays.)

31. I prefer sleeping to sex.

32. My mom says: I am the best. (Every mom says!)

33. I believe that I play excellent violin. (And I boast much.)

34. One thing that I don’t like about myself is that I am too abstract and relentlessly verbose.

35. I fear losing in love.

36. I get angry over people who pay unnecessary attention over petty minute details. (Get significance. man!)

37. Before I board a train, I check out all the female passengers near my seat. (I do my home-work on time.)

38. I believe in miracles. (I was bestowed with some of the most fabulous things of life per chance.)

39. Recently, I watched the animated movie ‘Hanuman’ and I loved it.

40. My adolescent dream was to become a computer hacker. (Now it is of becoming a writer.)

41. I went to the college library only to read the latest editions of ‘Femina’ and ‘Men’s World’.

42. ‘Troy’ tops in my list of favorites, especially because of the scene where Achilles says: ‘We men are rigid things!’ (Ah! I love macho things.)

43. I am a heeding listener, but sometimes I go on poking people about their verbal abilities.

44. I love to teach. (Besides being the creator myself, I feel like giving meaning to something.)

45. I loved mathematics before engineering, after then I had none of it. (Except calculators!)

46. I love Urdu poetry.

47. I have her photograph, framed in a golden stand frame, on my study table. (They are the most beautiful eyes. Oceanic eyes with a Bindi in the mid-shore!)

48. I hate computer games.

49. I don’t like Harry Potter movies.

50. Kulsum mam says that I am a dreamer. (So was our President! Bright future ahead…eh?)

51. I am still confused which one is better – women or wine? (Revision: Women indeed)

52. I love to spend my evenings alone at Café Coffee Day. (Watching beauties of Indore!)

53. Good movies and good books are the best friends. They never ask anything in return.

54. …And I never lend my books nor do I borrow them. (I don’t trade in friendship.)

55. I am messy.

56. I am muddled in my finances. My father, even though he is a bank employee, is ditto to me. (It’s in my genes.)

57. I am still not a virgin. I am married.

58. My favorite magazines are Reader’s Digest and Front-Line.

59. I fell in love with Catherine Zeta Zones after ‘The Mask of
Zorro’. Then she married.

60. I make superb parodies. (Ask my hostel inmates, they would depict the torture more vividly.)

61. I secured grade ‘C’ in C.

62. I can talk for hours, without actually saying anything.

63. I will convince you about anything. Give me a chance! (Believe me or stick to me.)

64. I am never on time. (My frame of reference is slightly deferred.)

65. I hate Newton. I missed my chance to invent mechanics.

66. I have an excellent memory – though not photographic. (I could remember the full names of my South-India friends.)

67. I have a 7 factor.

68. Words attract me more than coquettes themselves.

69. I spend: 40% – books; 10% – food; 20% – cigarettes; 5% – appearance; rest on women.

70. I make brilliant coffee.

71. I am a poor cook, although I love cooking. (I am prohibited from going
into the kitchen at home.)

72. I turn on with good smell. (Bacardi, food or femme fatale!)

73. I wish I could change the education pattern of my country.

74. I think, if I fight against ‘Lalu Prasad Yadav’ in Bihar, I would out-vote him.

75. I love my father.

76. Life is wonderful when I read Coelho; bike in rain; write affecting poetry;
or listen to toughing music; or simply watch her wondering and smiling.

77. I think Jagjit Singh ji sings excellent Gazals.

78. I wonder when people listen to me, what they find there in my words. However, I love it this way.

79. I am not religious, though I appreciate spiritual existence of men and the universe.

80. I have never been robbed.

81. I make resolutions every year only to refine them in the next year.

82. I have never been excited by a single thing for long. Things change, perceptions change. Change is life, stasis is death.

83. I am confused at few things: in the morning, I hate going to office; and in night I hate coming back. (Newton’s first law!)

84. Kulsum mam says I write lovely, poignant poetries.

85. I am moved by panache, and attitudinal statements of street hoardings. (They picture some of the most beautiful beauties of earth.)

86. I think: spectacles are much cooler than contact-lenses. (They give you an intellectual aura.)

87. I love comedies.

88. I am open to all ideas .

89. Offer me dinner at some posh restaurant, and I would do your project. (hihi..)

90. I am marginalia-maniac. I fill up my books with scribbles and squiggles.

91. I hate mosquitoes and red-ants.

92. I love SMSing, especially my inconsequential wreaking Urdu shers to everyone in my phone-book.

93. My vision of life is a romanticized version of ‘The Fountainhead’.

94. I don’t use deodorants.

95. I hate discipline – I loathe being caged.

96. I am romantic, passionate, childlike, chivalric and often flirtatious.

97. I wonder why ‘DoorDarshan’ chops off violent and seducing scenes from movies at prime time while broadcasting Condom and safe-sex advertisements ad-nauseam.

98. My role model is ‘Ellsworth
Monkton Toohey’. (The Brain is mightier than the brawn!)

99. I believe that Cinema is a wonderful channel of mass awareness – For instance, watch ‘Hazaron Khwahishe Aisi’ or ‘Matrubhumi’ – or of mass arousal – watch ‘Brave Heart’ or ‘Black Friday’.

100. I think words are much more significant than being mere flora and fauna of expression.

101. I love chronicling weird ideas, especially the dreams of bleak ends.

102. I am quite perseverant at times. (See, I completed the list.)

103. I am a software engineer. (Damn! Forget it man!)

Written by Animesh

November 5, 2005 at 12:25 am

Posted in Diary, Featured

Tagged with

I think of you

with one comment

g1092rgik2I think of you
and close my eyes.

I see your beautiful face
your subtle face…
and the twinkle in your eyes.

The aura of beauty
surrounds me.
The tinge of love
enchants me.

And I keep closed
my eyes.

I talk to you
then
and the enigma grows!

Your soothing words.
Your pensive silence.
All promises for
bright chores.

There I stay
alone
in your revere
fumbling in my romance
drowning in your substance

And I keep closed
my eyes.

I hear your laughter
then
and all my pulses, all my beats
go faultier.

Your fingers
entwined together
lead shores
at my veins.

Your lips
curve-ly parted
join my dream
at ends.

I couldn’t stutter a word
and keep closed
my eyes.

Suddenly,
the anticipating world
collapse.
As I see you
going away
from my trance.

my eyes widen.
my dreams tighten.

But,
I couldn’t hold you.
But,
I couldn’t stop you.

There, I think of you
and decide
the fate of mine
standing by your side.

I see mine
confiding in.
I see you
denied.

scared of divinity
scared of eternity
again,
I close my eyes.

Those eyes…

never again
they went surmise!

Written by Animesh

June 29, 2005 at 12:05 am

Posted in Featured, Poetry

Tagged with , ,

My Flawed Destiny

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destiny-calligraphy-poster-c12331207Destiny, as always, once again crossed my itinerary. It might be a cursory crossover. It might be a deliberate manoeuvre. Who knows? But its charm, its charisma, its ostentatious-ness was same. Nothing was decayed. Nothing was improved. Not even a part. It looked at me in the face, smiling and enticing like a chintzy gloss, successful to beguile me, like always!

Last time, even, when the series of pylons carrying wires of destiny biked over me, the confrontation wasn’t very different. Approximately five years earlier, perhaps more! Yet, its lineaments didn’t reflect much change. No fall. No rise. Only stability prevailed. Its perseverance, nay, complacency was amazing, eerie up to the limit to haunt me. The dilemma – it creates, the chasm – it penetrates, always urged me to surrender. Contrastingly enough, at the same time, somehow, it always ushered me to fight. People say that improvement in perfection is rare. Had my destiny perched its perfection? I doubted. May be it had stagnated. Huh! Whatever be the case! When history had already repeated itself, I was left with little to digress. I had to choose.

But, was it really unchanged? Or, it was just a subterfuge showed up to me? Earlier, it had despair, and now, beguilement. It was changed. One facet of ifs façade differed from the earlier one. Its pranks were now friendlier and luring with a defined facial boundary. I could identify it. I could distinguish its face from the rush. Yes, it did change!
Years ago, it was like news shouting my failure accompanied by chaos. I stayed, collapsed to my feet, unable to decipher the message, confused to choose the stone whose turning could have brought me luck. I found none. I waited. Slowly…slowly, the aura de-condensed as I brushed my eye-balls. Light managed to diffuse through the fog. Something, then, abetted me to fight against the decree. I hardly remember what was that?

Destination remained, path lost!

I fought and conquered the destination but little was left in debris, behind, to trace out the impasse there. Neither had I atoned, not repented, but accepted as it came to me as I found myself into a prestigious engineering college.
Happy and almost complacent! Destiny was defeated and my goal achieved. I looked around, scrounge up and down but no more combat remained. I enjoyed the calm. Soon, doldrums overgrew and I felt hapless. I needed a reason, a reason to stroll ahead with, a reason to stand for, a reason to muse over, and a reason to die for.

It was then, filled with smug defiance, furrowed by past battle – not in anxiety but in urgency, I ventured out to beguile my destiny once more as if to surprise it before it could en-cash the chance. It was then; I declared my moral, my responsibility superior to my career. I was no longer complacent or a vestige of hubris or a canopy of poise. I was all anew then.

I saw communication, for the first time, not electronical but literary and I realized its potential not as a career but as a mean to fulfill my social responsibilities. I felt charged; more charged that ever because of the cause I was standing by. For every big responsibility deserves bigger attention and higher devotion, I stood capricious to my destiny and tenacious to my dreams.

Destiny understood the stubbornness of my stance and tricked its game accordingly. It acquired oneness rather than its long cherished vagueness and my destiny came to me in person than a newspaper.

Fight, between us, commenced. Bells tolled once again. But the fight wasn’t similar. It wasn’t archaic, it wasn’t antiquated.

I wasn’t fighting blood but glitter. I wasn’t denying fist but money. I was offered security – fiscal security. I denied. Grip tightened. I resisted. Piles of money racked in front of me so as to touch the heaven. I hesitated. It blocked my vision, for some time, and blinded me. My ethics hid away behind the dollars.

Fortunately, lessons from the last confrontation lasted. And I was beckoned to the present. Foe-ness returned back as ally-ness perished. I stood up again. More firm and more dedicated this time as the game went on.

The game is not over yet. The show is on. The combat is on. Results are too close to call. Greater cause suffers greater persecution and bears richer reward. My dreams have worth more than that of my destiny. I will fight to harness the richness of it, Come what may!

Written by Animesh

April 20, 2005 at 11:27 pm

Posted in Diary, Featured

Tagged with ,